Therapy or Intimacy?

In the past when I’ve proposed convening a “soul session” to “speak from the heart” or a “support group” to report on efforts at self-improvement, some people have declined to participate, saying “That sounds like therapy.” Those comments prompt me to wonder, “What is the difference between therapy and intimacy?” Myself, I like to tell my close friends what I tell my therapist, and I like my friends to respond the way my therapist responds.

Leonard Roy Frank Memorial

No Man is an Island” — Five minutes of footage featuring Leonard from Richard Cohen:

Ellison Horne’s video of the memorial service:

Also see:

James Welling’s photos.

My eulogy.

The online obituary.

Information about participants in the memorial services.

The University of California at Berkeley took 52 boxes of Leonard’s papers, magazines, tapes, and other materials concerning psychiatry for “The Leonard Roy Frank Papers,” which will be available for researchers at the Bancroft Library on campus.

Long live Leonard!

Escaping Xmas

Santa Claus does not belong in Bethlehem. So, dodging the stress and madness of Xmas in the Naked City, I find myself on the 23rd floor of the Nugget Hotel in Sparks, Nevada, just outside Reno, for $38 per night.

I like the solitude. It’s convenient. My room has free Wi-Fi and a desk. The fifth floor has a gym and a large glass-enclosed, tree-lined pool with birds flying around and the best Jacuzzi I’ve experienced (it has several different kinds of strong jets). And the food in the lobby is adequate and affordable.

Being away gives me distance and perspective, which leads to new insights. Better yet, being forced out of my routine helps me break bad habits and develop new ones that I hope to carry over when I return, such as: more exercise; stretching; writing at least 1-2 hours in the morning; avoiding late-night snacks; doing my late-night meditations; and, six days a week, staying sober while avoiding both caffeine and sugar.

In addition to forming those habits, I plan to use my time here on special projects, like reading real books, emptying my Inbox, posting my autobiography, and working on the budget for the rest of my life. In addition, of course, now that I’ve adjusted to the altitude and largely rid myself of a chest cold, on days the Warriors don’t play basketball I expect to win some money at blackjack (I did win $75 in ten minutes in an experiment on my way in, but haven’t yet been in shape to play seriously).

I had planned a road trip, including Canyon de Chelly, Joshua Tree National Monument, and New Year’s Eve on Fremont Street in downtown Las Vegas. But I like it here so much I may stay until I return home early next year. The less time I spend driving and getting settled in new locations, the more time I’ll have to be productive.

This approach may help me deal with my post-Uber life. Previously, my monthly check included at least several hundred dollars from my share of our co-op’s net profits. Now those profits are virtually zero. Moreover, when I drive, I earn 20-30% less per hour.

According to my latest calculations, when I move up the first-come, first-served list and get a Section 8 rent subsidy in about five years (hopefully), I can sell my medallion, invest the proceeds, and have enough money to manage until I’m 94, while slowly consuming my capital.

With this plan, until I sell my medallion, I’ll have to drive taxi 40 hours a week eleven months per year for the first time in my life, which means I’ll have to stop trying to save the world. I can take the weight of the world off my shoulders.

Going back and forth to the airport in my taxi can be a bit boring, but it’s not all that hard. I can still work on my devices while I’m parked at the airport waiting for a fare (more than an hour on average) and take home enough money to make ends meet.

I should be grateful I’m as well off as I am and have been able to do as much as I have with my life. So unless someone offers me a part-time job doing social-change work, my goals will have to be much more modest.

My inclination is to focus on writing, with a priority on Wade’s Weekly. The 120 or so subscribers to that blog is not a huge number. But writers like to have readers, and I very much appreciate the feedback I receive, and hope to put more time into engaging in dialog with my readers.

Who knows? Maybe I plant an occasional seed that blooms somewhere. Or maybe we just bolster one another in our resolve to contribute to human evolution as best we can.

Regardless, I have numerous ideas for essays on my mind that I really want to write. They say if you have to write, you are a writer. Maybe I am.

So, unless some miracle happens with the Residents’ Council while I’m away, or “Changing the System: A Proposal for a National Conference” develops in a way that involves me, I’ll once again try to drop my self-identity as a “community organizer” and fade away into the sunset, alone, pen in hand.

Wade’s Journal and Readers’ Comments

In addition to watching Giants’ baseball, most of my free time lately has been devoted to the Residents’ Council at the 200-person complex where I live, Western Park Apartments. Having been recruited to serve as President, it’s been a rewarding and challenging experience. The more I get to know my neighbors, the more I get to like and respect them. Reinvigorating the Council by establishing some new structures that reflect what I’ve learned over the years seems to be working. Prior to our first meeting, an old-timer predicted fifteen participants, but forty came. And the next week we had nineteen at a Coordinating Committee meeting.

Historically, my pattern has been to start a new project and then move on after two years or so. But I’ll be in this apartment for the rest of my life, or most of it. So I may as well make the most of it. With the vibrant community of residents that we have here, I look forward to it.

I’ve also been posting chapters of My Search for Deep Community: An Autobiography to the Web at http://deepcommunity.org. As I go along, I’ll make corrections that have been pointed out to me by readers who’ve sent me comments on the print edition. I hope to step up the pace of posting chapters as I get a handle on Council responsibilities. I also envision a much shorter book eventually, with key moments in my life in chronological order, that I would distribute to the general public, perhaps after finding a publisher.

In My “Ego Trip” I look back on my motivation for writing that autobiography. In addition to the motives that I discuss there, I now realize more clearly that one reason is that I wanted to circulate it on my 70th birthday as a gift to dear friends. And I just wanted the full historical record available, just in case unknown others might find it of interest or value at some point in the future. After all, I was in the midst of a number of historic events. Whether I will be able to afford to make the upcoming, slightly amended version available to the general public remains to be seen, after I learn what it would cost.

David Marshall, a Vive-President at Berrett-Koehler Publishers (BK), replied tomy proposal that BK convene a national working conference on “Changing the System” with the following Facebook post:

Super reader Wade Hudson advocates for a “Changing the System” National Conference in 2015. It’s cool to see such leadership from somebody in our the largest BK stakeholder group: readers. This may fit with three of our five initiatives from our 2014-16 Strategic Plan: Connect with Customers, Build Our Brand, and Commit to Diversity and Inclusion. Berrett-Koehler Publishers.

He also tweeted about it and @BKpub retweeted his tweet.

In addition, Mike Larsen, the literary agent who organizes the San Francisco Writers Conference and the Writing for Change Conference has expressed enthusiasm for the proposal and said that he will inform BK that he and likely some of the volunteers in his network would help with the conference.

These developments are encouraging, but the task is a formidable one. So though BK seems like the ideal sponsor for such an event, I am making no assumptions.

Otherwise, I continue to drive taxi part-time, read some of The New York Timesdaily, and read about half of the articles in The New York Review of Books my favorite publication. Recently, I’ve begun posting to Wade’s Wire reflections on some of the New York Review’s essays that I find most interesting.

In Comments on “It’s All for Your Own Good,” I reflect on the essay’s argument that well-meaning, kind-hearted individuals can undermine others’ self-respect with condescending attitudes and paternalistic practices. As one who has struggled with my own arrogance, it is an issue with which I still struggle. With its comments on Why Nudge? by Cass Sunstein, the review also felt relevant to my situation here at Western Park Apartments, which is owned by Northern California Presbyterian Homes and Services, a church-related non-profit with a noble vision rooted in spirituality.

In Comments on “Divine Fury: A History of Genius,”, I remark on “Wonder Boys,” a thought-provoking review of Divine Fury that explores the nature and history of human consciousness, its relationship with the cosmos, or God, and the notion of “genius.” What is different about the human mind? How did it evolve? What does all that mean about how the universe works? Though I don’t agree with every wrinkle in the piece, the author, Tamsin Shaw, offers me some helpful clues.

I’ve appreciated the following responses to recent posts:

Re: Uber Attacks Taxis

Richard Keene: I’m with you on this.  Seems tech is causing major disruptions everywhere.

Michael Shaughnessy: I would encourage you to edit this and seek publication in a more widely distriibuted source. The personal sharing is appropriate for your weekly entry, but you analysis of the economic situation (in a tighter form)  would be great on Alternet or HuffPo…. Thanks for your work.

Yahya Abdal-Aziz: Much to reflect on, as usual!  If I haven’t said so recently, let me say it again now: Thanks for your writing.  I find it well worth reading and thinking about.

And occasionally very informative; I had no idea of the parlous state of the taxi-driver’s lot in SF until I read your piece below.  I hope you and your colleagues find an effective and speedy resolution of the problem.

And certainly educational: I’d read the phrase, “the tragedy of the commons”, before now, but from its context thinking of it as an historical curiosity, had never bothered to explore its meaning.  I see now how wrong I was, and how relevant this economic phenomenon is today and may well be at any epoch of human history.  It applies, for instance, as an operative cause, to the loss of sovereignty of native peoples worldwide in the face of colonial aggression by the Western powers of the last half-millennium.

But rather than comment on every issue canvassed below, I decided to reply, wanting to let you know this:

You can stop paying for massages; all you need is a willing partner and the knowledge of how to do massage effectively and safely.

That knowledge can come from a good book on massage techniques.  I saw such a book just last week in my local “cheap books” store, for around $14.  Of course, it takes time and practice to become good at massage; but since most of the time you spend doing so includes actually giving the massage, you and your partner can benefit equally.  You’d both probably consider it a good investment of your time.  It also requires some patience and sensitivity of the student, but given these, one can soon learn to become more aware of the texture and condition of the fibres under one’s finger-tips: a requisite skill.

While we were living in Malaysia, my wife and I had the great fortune to learn the basics of “urut jawa”, the Malay deep tissue massage techniques, from a friend and more particularly from his father, a renowned “Tokoh” (master) of the art.  These have stood us in good stead during the last forty-some years, more so as I had a painful condition of the spine which plagued me until I reached my mid-30s.  I believe it was my wife’s constant care that helped it to finally abate to more tolerable levels.  So I’m certainly an advocate for the considered and careful use of massage on medical grounds; but of course its therapeutic benefits are far wider than the physical treatment of disease.

There’s something else I’ve been meaning to say, and will take this opportunity to do so: I think of you often, and wish you all the very best in your efforts to transform both yourself and the wider world.

My best regards,
Yahya

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Re: [wadesmonthly] Recent Posts on Wade’s Wire

Bob Anschuetz: I always find things of interest in your Wire–in the latest, especially, the anecdote about Robin Williams and the 50 recommended essays. That literary genre has always been my own favorite, though the work of particular poets runs a close second. I’m also curious about a matter connected with your own literary output. Have you decided yet what, if anything, you’re going to do further with your book? I’d love to know, as it was the source of my own principal work engagement for almost three months, and I was deeply impressed by its human authenticity: both the honesty of your self-revelation and the seriousness of your commitment to deep community as a way of life and the foundation of effective social activism. I wish you all best in choosing the right course for the book and the right life for yourself.

+++++

Re: Many Activists Need An Intervention

Roma Guy: Interesting….regarding listening and hearing from activists you encountered. Their being in motion (act) apparently doesn’t include listening….lots of that around and not only from activists.

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Re: Changing the System: A Proposal for a National Conference (10/17/14 Draft)

Clinton McDowell: Received ..always amazed at yer steadfast ,Eal in undertaking this challenge.
Keep on keeping on!

Richard Moore: Here’s my take on a realistic step-by-step plan: Building the new in the shadow of the old
http://cyberjournal.org/Documents/BuildingTheNew.html

My “Ego Trip”

Shortly before I self-published My Search for Deep Community: An Autobiography, a good, trusted friend told me that the title and cover (which features a head shot of me) did me a disservice because they suggested an “ego trip.” He suggested “Searching for Deep Community” as an alternative title, presumably because it would be less self-centered. His comments bothered me a great deal, so I reflected on them for a few days.

Then I told him, “If others take it as an ego trip, that’s their problem,” and proceeded to publish and distribute some 50 copies, mostly to people I discuss in the book. About 20 readers have given me valuable feedback, most of which has been positive. So I’ve begun posting the book on the Web at http://deepcommunity.org. My plan is to edit the book a bit as I go along, especially in order to correct mistakes that have been pointed out. And eventually I may re-write it considerably, make it much shorter, and try to get it distributed more widely.

But my friend’s comment still bothers me, causes me to reflect on my motives, and prompted me to google the definition of “ego trip,” which is “something done primarily to build one’s self esteem or display one’s splendid qualities.” I acknowledge that my ego would like to be recognized as a “great man” as my mother repeatedly told me I would be. And I’ve long been ambivalent about any recognition given me. But when I told Ajahn Amaro, the Buddhist monk, that I had mixed feelings about the praise I received after serving in Baghdad with the Iraq Peace Team during the U.S. invasion, he told me, “Relax. Accept it like icing on the cake. People want to express their appreciation.” I think his advice was wise. The degree to which I am motivated by my ego is very small compared to my desire to help relieve suffering. I would much prefer to work under a pseudonym with a democratic team of co-equal collaborators who had an enormous, positive impact on the world, with only my close friends knowing that I was involved.

I’m sharing my full life story primarily because I hope doing so will plant some seeds that will contribute to the growth of “deep community,” which I define as a community of individuals who examine themselves deeply, resolve to acknowledge mistakes in order to grow personally and become more effective, work to change national policies that are the root cause of great suffering, and support one another in those efforts. I believe such communities could play an important role in helping to foster the kind of change that we need in this country.

In “A Meditation on Deep Community ,” which I presented to the Church for the Fellowship of All Peoples on July 14, I elaborated on that perspective by stating:

  • Relieving suffering requires addressing root causes, getting deep.
  • Addressing root causes requires correcting national policies that are the source of so much suffering.
  • If we see a child drowning, we don’t tell her to pray. We change her environment.

In “Changing the System: A Proposal for a National Conference,” I reported on my suggesting to Berrett-Koehler (BK) Vice-President David Marshall that BK convene a national working conference focused on these questions:

  1. What is “the system”? How can we best describe and analyze it?
  2. How do we need to change it?
  3. What organizing strategies are needed to build a popular movement pushing for those changes?

Shortly after I posted this proposal, Marshall posted the following on Facebook:

Super reader Wade Hudson advocates for a “Changing the System” National Conference in 2015. It’s cool to see such leadership from somebody in the largest BK stakeholder group: readers. This may fit with three of our five initiatives from our 2014-16 Strategic Plan: Connect with Customers, Build Our Brand, and Commit to Diversity and Inclusion. Berrett-Koehler Publishers.

He also tweeted about it and @BKpub retweeted his tweet.

I am encouraged by that response and am hopeful that BK will pursue a problem-solving collaboration of the sort I proposed.

But I am not making any assumptions. Most political activists don’t take time for personal growth, and most people engaged in personal growth don’t take time for political action. Integrating the personal and the political, my life-long commitment, is not easy. To foster such holistic communities, I believe we need new tools, or formats for meetings, that could be easily replicated and adopted by activists who want to nurture self-development, both their own and that of their fellow activists. Knowing of no such tools that are being used at present, I’ll continue to look for them and encourage others to develop them, as I have with the Movement Strategy Center, the Center for Spirituality and Social Transformation, and others.

In the meantime, I prepare financially for my old age by continuing to drive taxi part-time, am deeply involved with organizing the Residents’ Council in the 170-unit senior-citizen apartment building where I live, and hope to start blogging regularly on essays in the New York Review of Books, while continuing to post chapters to My Search for Deep Community.

I often feel alone with my concerns. But I know there are many others who share a similar perspective. Figuring out how to find each other, connect, and grow our numbers is the dilemma. Hopefully, someday soon, it will happen.

Brandon Visits SF

Allyne ParkBrandon Faloona, my soul mate from Seattle, visited San Francisco for 48 hours last weekend and slept on my couch. I thoroughly enjoyed it. The most rewarding moments were our quiet times alone, when we engaged in rich dialog. As I’ve said before, he’s the best listener I know. There are many understandable reasons why most people (or so it seems) are so reluctant to speak from the heart and interact openly and mutually. I’m constantly trying to better understand and accept those reasons. Nevertheless, it is refreshing when I experience greater authenticity.

The fact that Brandon possesses a high degree of emotional intelligence and is very astute in his observations of others’ behavior and social conditions helps to enrich our time together. In particular, I appreciated his forgiving me for some mistakes I made in what I wrote about his father, Gerry, in my autobiography. His comments helped me see my residual bitterness about a conflict with Gerry that led to some passages being too curt. If there is another edition, I’ll try to correct those mistakes.

Brandon’s visit has had a particular enduring impact. While he was here, he encouraged me to think more about my retirement plan. Jesus said, “Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.” I lived my life according to that principle. Partly out of an ego-driven desire to be recognized as a great man, and partly out of a commitment to community service, I have not concentrated on making money. And whether from good karma or good luck, I fell into ownership of a taxi medallion, which provides me with some security. Brandon’s comments, however, have led me to realize that if I were disabled, that medallion would not provide me with enough income to make ends meet. So I’m researching retirement accounts. Indications are that I will have to drive taxi at least ten hours more each week than I had expected, which means I’ll have less time to write and travel. Hopefully, I’ll find time to write another book, my manifesto, which is tentatively titled Changing the System with Love and Power.

Otherwise, highlights of Brandon’s visit included visiting Allyne Park at Green and Gough where we used to play when we lived together and Brandon was three (see group photo of our household), walking by the six-bedroom, split-level apartment where we lived, hanging out in North Beach, hearing some great blues at The Saloon, and going around the corner to a new gallery, The Emerald Tablet, on Fresno Alley.

DSC02163After we arrived, we learned that the gallery was hosting an 80th birthday party for the esteemed Beat poet, Diane di Prima. When I wished her a happy birthday and referred to a 1968 poetry reading with Lawrence Ferlinghetti, Thom Gunn, herself, and others that I co-organized, she said, “Oh yes. I remember that. It was the only time I ever read with Thom.” She then signed for me a copy of a poem that was distributed that day as a memento for her birthday. The poem reads:

The Phoenix is
timeless
as gold is

She heads for
the sky

like a grown child
leaving Mother

leaves the warm ash
resplendent
above

below

Later Brandon helped me produced a one-minute video of our time in North Beach, which I uploaded to YouTube at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?

And here are some photos I took:

DSC02159 DSC02153 DSC02146 At My Window

My Robin Williams Story

Like maybe half of San Francisco, I have my own Robin Williams story. In 1996, after watching the Independence Day movie at the Coronet Theater on Geary Blvd. Steven Shults, Richard Gross, and I went to the Toy Boat Dessert Cafe on Clement Street. The store featured Double Rainbow ice cream and displayed on its walls children’s toys for sale. While waiting to be served, Williams got in line behind us. Steven had seen him at an event the night before and struck up a brief exchange with Williams about it. After Richard, Steven, and I sat down at a table to eat our desserts, Williams joined us and engaged in conversation for several minutes. He often came to the cafe to buy toys for his children. He was remarkably unpretentious and warm. After a few minutes, Richard said, “I’m sorry but I have to ask you this. How much of being famous is great and how much is a drag?” Williams immediately replied, “90% is great and 10% is a drag.” I figure the 10% finally got to him. May one of the greatest San Franciscans ever rest in peace.

WilliamsFor an excellent local article about Williams, see “Robin Williams’ heart never strayed far from San Francisco” by Peter Hartlaub, Leah Garchik and David Lewis

Transform Workshop Evaluation

I just offered the following responses to a survey from The Center for Spiritual and Social Transformation concerning their four  Transform: Spirituality and Social Change sessions that were held last month.

1. How did you hear about the Transform workshop? Please be specific.
Facebook

2. What were you hoping to gain from the course?
I was primarily looking for opportunities to engage in dialog with peers who respect one another as equals about how we might develop user-friendly, easily replicated tools to support one another in our spiritual growth and help build a national movement to impact national policy – that is, practice what we preach.

3. How well did the course meet these hopes/expectations?
Not at all. I found the first two sessions to be too top-heavy with lectures. They were more like a “class” than an interactive, problem-solving “workshop.” They were too much in the head and not enough from the heart. During the first two classes, when I posed a question and offered a comment, I felt that Liza did not respond to what I said. During the breaks, I engaged in dialog with others about statements they made with which I resonated, but no one did the same with me. As people walked around during breaks, I experienced little eye contact. There was no email dialog during the week. When I emailed one participant about another event and told her, “I’m particularly interested in user-friendly methods that activists could use to support one another in that work — methods that could be easily replicated and spread. AA is a suggestive example. If you have thoughts or experience along that line, I’d like to hear them,” I received no reply. So, all in all, I concluded that I was unlikely to find an opportunity to collaborate on my pressing concern through the class and decided not to sacrifice more income by participating during work hours. So I did not go to the third or fourth class.

4. Evaluate the following statements.
The instructor presented the material in an engaging and accessible way. Agree
The course material was helpful. Agree
The discussion was helpful. Agree
The course helped me in my work. Agree
The course helped clarify my vocation. Agree
I made valuable connections with other course participants. Disagree

5. How was the course most helpful to you?
It reassured me that there are others who want to work on their spiritual growth and are willing to acknowledge their weaknesses and mistakes in order to do so.

6. What could have strengthened your experience?
A more practical focus on developing and sharing tools that could be used to build a national movement committed to turning our nation into a compassionate community.

7. What kinds of workshops would you like to see in the future?
Workshops that facilitate speaking from the heart with peers who respect one another as equals and explore how we might develop user-friendly, easily replicated tools to support one another in our spiritual growth and help build a national movement to impact national policy – that is, practice what we preach.

8. What class formats would work best for you in the future?
Half-day on the weekend
Full-day retreat